Rewarding Yourself

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This week isn’t really going to be a lengthy post, I just wanted to give you guys a brief life update and some thoughts on being nice to yourself.

Over the past week I got a full time writing job.

In case you don’t know me personally, this is pretty much all I want out of life. I love to write, and getting paid for it is the dream.

Something I struggle with and strive to be better at is patting myself on the back when something good happens. It’s SO easy to punish myself when I mess up, or something goes wrong in my life, but not when I succeed.

Why is that so hard?

Part of me feels that I just don’t deserve it. Another part of me thinks that if something decent happens, it has to be dumb luck. While I know in my part that neither of those things are true, it’s a hard mental block to pass over. This year is about love, acceptance, and forgiveness of myself, so it’s something I am determined to overcome.

Any advice that any of you have is welcome for this.

I worked hard, I went through a lot to get this job, and I got it. Yay! As part of my resolution to love myself better this year, I am finding a way  to celebrate.

Not quite sure how yet, but positive recognition is important and it’s something I will be giving myself.

How do you reward yourself when something good happens? Is it difficult for you as well? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Being Honest About Struggling

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I’m making this post because I couldn’t bring myself to type up and complete my Weekly Favorites yesterday. It may seem unimportant, but to me it seemed to be masking a bigger issue.

If you’ve been reading this blog for any amount of time, you may know that I suffer from some mental health issues. It’s a part of my life that I am working very hard on, and constantly. Different medicines, schedules, diets- these past few years have been full of trial and error.

It’s not a perfect system, but years of hard work have paid off. I get enough sunshine and exercise to make my days better. I take a combination of medicine that does it’s job. Some days are wonderful, and some are not.

The past month or so has been more bad than good. The combined stress of moving to a different state in a month, working 3 different jobs, keeping up with creative projects, etc. have really taken their toll. I have been gaining weight, losing sleep, and dealing with a variety of moods. Because of this, I just haven’t been able to read enough for this week’s favorites post.

My first inclination was to just ignore the lack of a post all together. It doesn’t really matter right? This blog isn’t being read by thousands of people and my book posts are probably not the most popular ones, and yet I want to share this with you all.

If I am going to talk openly about mental health, then I have to talk openly about all of it. I can’t romanticize it and I can’t hide any of it- even the ugly parts. Gaining weight rapidly because I overeat when I’m stressed or upset is shameful to me, something I would never want to openly admit, but it shouldn’t be. If we are going to make any progress with the awful stigmas that surround mental illness, we have to be open. We have to be honest and willing to share our thoughts and feelings.

So here it is. Working hard on your mental health and taking medications is not an instant cure or easy in the least. There are days where I can’t convince myself to go outside or to bathe or even to make breakfast. Sometimes I wake up with anxiety so intense I have to practice breathing exercises to calm down. Mental illness is hard, horrible, and can even seem disgusting.

I am okay with these issues. I remind myself that I am not giving up, I attempt to be kind to myself, and I go to bed knowing and hoping that things will get better. They always do.

I have to love myself. Not so others will, but because others do.

Forgive my personal detour in the middle of the week, I just wanted to be completely honest about what is going on. My weekly favorites will return next week, and hopefully a happier, easier time will as well.

Life Update: The Bus

I wanted to share a little life update for those of you who don’t know me really well or haven’t seen my Facebook posts about this. Recently, Cameron and I discovered that the school bus we were currently converting into a skoolie (for those of you who don’t know, it’s basically a bus turned into an RV/mobile home), wouldn’t be finished by the time our lease was up in May.

Due to our landlord and our current housing’s lack of basic human needs, we decided to put the project on hold temporarily. We will be moving up to Ohio to be closer to my family for a bit while we get everything finished.

While deciding on this, we also came to the conclusion that we don’t want a 42 foot long bus. It was impossible for us to drive on a normal road or to take any kind of turn with it. So we are exploring our options and will definitely be going with something smaller.

It was sort of a sad ending for that bus, but honestly it will probably work out much better for us in the end. Anything else we get will be much smaller and easier to convert, and I get to spend some extra time living around my family.

Thanks for reading! Sorry about the shorter post today- I’ve had a migraine all day and decided to keep it short and sweet.

One more update, I’m going to be doing book videos on YouTube every Monday and Thursday now, so there’ll be an extra update on the blog every week!