For those of you that know me personally, or read my blog regularly, you probably know that I’ve been married for almost three years now.
People are never afraid to share opinions about this with me. Whether it’s my lack of children, the age I got married, etc. there are always thoughts that family members/friends/strangers feel entitled to share. This is fine, and I’ve gotten used to it, but it doesn’t make it less ridiculous at times.
One of the things that upsets people the most that I understand the least is my last name. After we got married, I decided not to change it. My husband doesn’t care, and agreed that it’s totally my call, and why should anyone care anyway? I did this for a few reasons, and anytime I meet someone new and they ask about it, people still don’t get it. So here are the reasons, and if you’re still upset by it at the end, maybe just try and think about the fact that it’s not your choice or business.
First of all, I like my last name. I like the people it came from, I like that I have had it for decades, and I like the way it sounds with my first name. My husband’s last name is great, but I want mine to stay.
Secondly, I didn’t feel like changing it. For anyone who has gone through the process of changing their name, it’s kind of a pain and takes a while. Why go through all that trouble if it’s something I don’t care about anyway?
My next reason is because I’m a feminist who believes that a lot of these traditions are rooted in sexism and completely arbitrary. Now I don’t believe that every woman who changes their name hates themselves, or isn’t a feminist, or thinks of themselves as property, and I don’t think your husband is the worst if he likes that your names are the same- it’s just not for me. This is the reason that always gets the eye rolls, the anger, the judgement, etc. I am not going to apologize for the way I feel about it. If you decide to change your name, awesome! That’s great for you! I just want people to feel the same way about my choice.
That pretty much sums up my feelings on the subject. Again, no hard feelings to anyone who feels differently.
I’d love to hear your thoughts as well!