For any of you that follow me on social media, you probably saw a few posts regarding my hair over the past month. Long story short, I lost a lot of hair very quickly, and decided to drastically change my look as a result of it.
To elaborate a little more, I have a habit called Trichotillomania. This is defined as “a compulsive desire to pull out one’s hair.”
When I become anxious or upset, I twist my hair until it’s weak enough to break it off. It started when I was 13 and had started at a public middle school. Then I didn’t do it for years. Through tons of stressful situations and times I didn’t have the urge to touch my hair at all. This year however, it came back.
I don’t know if it was quitting a toxic job after two years, readjusting all of our finances, deciding that our whole lifestyle was going to change next year, a depression episode, or all of these things combined that caused it to return-but it was worse than ever. My house was covered in my hair, and my bald patches grew bigger and bigger. I ended up with a four or five inch bald patch above my neck, which left me with a really sparse amount of hair left on my head. I wasn’t able to salvage it, which broke my heart since I had been growing it out for almost three years now.
My spouse, who has never experienced any depression or anxiety, has worked extremely hard to try and understand and always support me when anything happens. He got me back to a doctor after five years of refusing to be medicated, he listens, he researches and makes sure that he knows what’s going on, and he never judges. Since he knew that my hair was something I wasn’t able to just stop pulling out- he offered to take a whole weekend to completely redo my hair.
Alternative looks and hairstyles have always been appealing to me. I am tattooed and pierced, and have always wanted crazy hair as well. Since my husband used to work in a barber shop, I gave him complete creative control over my hair. He shaved my head, gave me a Mohawk, bleached my hair and then dyed it gray.
I’ll be honest, this part wasn’t easy. I cried the entire time he cut my hair. That was almost three years of growth that I had just thrown away with my crippling anxiety. However, either way it would have needed to be severely altered, and I don’t think he could have done a better job.
I fell in love with it instantly. I was able to completely embrace the issue and enjoy a completely new look, while also getting rid of the ability to rip out my hair. It is definitely something that I will always have to work on and talk to my doctors about, but taking this step has made me feel so much more empowered.
Please let me know what you think in the comments! Does anyone else have similar problems that they’ve been able to overcome?