The Kid Questions

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Whether you have ten children or zero, you have probably experienced being asked some of these questions…

“Are you going to have more kids/any kids?”

“Don’t you know how they are made? (Usually people with more kids get this one in my experience, it’s to imply that you must not know and that’s why you have so many)

“When are you going to start your family?”

“You’ll change your mind one day.” (When children aren’t in the picture)

“Don’t you feel unfulfilled?”

My mom and I talk about this a lot, because she has nine children and I don’t have any. Whether it’s family, friends, or strangers-everyone has an opinion on your family. My mom gets comments about how she’s been “busy” and asked about how many more kids she’s going to have on a regular basis. I usually get the “doesn’t your life feel empty?” and the “when are you actually going to start a family?”

For both situations, the remarks are incredibly intrusive and inappropriate. It makes us feel uneasy, uncomfortable, and judged. You are asking about a person’s sex life, abilities, and desires- which are not great subjects to bring up unless they do it first. I can assure you that the woman or man that you question about this does not want to comment on it at all.

As I said before, I don’t have any children. My spouse and I are in a loving, fulfilled relationship, and everything is great! Now, when you ask me if my life is empty, whether or not I’m having sex, or why I don’t have any children after being married for a few years-what response are you actually looking for? Because there are really only a few honest things I could say or scenarios that could be happening. I could be-

a) not interested in having children, which is valid and also private.

b) dying to have kids, but unable to- which means you’re just making me feel bad.

Regardless of the reason or your intentions- most of us have no interest in discussing our sex lives or our children or absence of them. Please remember that next time you feel the urge to ask any personal questions like that. Be respectful and allow people their comfort and privacy!

If you have children, that’s lovely and I couldn’t be happier for you, and if you choose not to-great! It’s your decisions and your life, don’t let anyone make you feel bad about those choices.

If you have opinions on this, I’d love to hear them! Also, do you have any great responses to those intrusive questions? Definitely let me know in the comment section what you think! 

 

7 thoughts on “The Kid Questions

  1. Amanda

    Thank you! Exactly how I feel on this subject! As someone who comes from a big family, but doesn’t have any children after 3 years of marriage, I get questions like this all the time and it’s hard for me to fathom why people think it’s ok to ask these kinds of questions. Once a person asked my mother if I was having problems because I didn’t have kids yet. Whether or not I am that is never something you should ask. It’s none of your business. I’m usually polite when people ask these sorts of questions, but I always want to respond with “You know my sex life is a private matter between me and my husband and I’d rather not discus it with you” or by asking them blatant questions about their sex lives so they understand how intrusive their questions are…. One of these day I’ll actually be brave enough to do it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Savanna

    I usually respond with “How recently has your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/partner really fucked your good?” And when they look horrified, I typically follow up with “huh! Almost like it’s horribly inappropriate to discuss someone’s sex life, don’t you think?”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Whenever I say that I don’t want kids, people tell me that I’m too young to know what I want, even though they were probably my age when they made the decision to have kids themselves. I don’t understand why a person saying that they don’t want kids makes other people uncomfortable. It’s none of their business.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Stephen Halmo

    We get it all the time… “When are you and Bobbi going to have kids?” WHY DOES IT MATTER. No question mark there because I don’t want a reply anymore than I wanted to be asked the question.

    Liked by 1 person

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